That is when fate, God's plan, oopsy moments...call it what you want. That is when our sweet thing became bigger than we could have dreamed.
On May 6th, exactly one year since I found out I was pregnant with Bland...I found out I was pregnant with baby number three. I had a sort of "mother intuition moment" where I was in an MRI machine for some scans to prepare for a spinal surgery that I need to have...again. But that is another story.
At the beginning of the MRI, I had a
This surprised me, because I am usually the strong, bull headed one. The one that will get through anything, even with innate fear, just to prove I did it. I mean I deliver almost 10 pound babies with a broken Harrington rod...I can certainly do an MRI. Well not that day. And apparently for good reason.
A day later. There I was, standing shell shocked yelling Eddy's name through the house. I think he thought I was dying. But there I stood, with a "there's two pink lines panic". Boy I thought the MRI caused an attack...I was wrong. I sat there and began to take deep breathes, mainly because I was about to hyperventilate...I thought, "I just got done consoling my colicky 14 week old for three hours, we just got out of our hospital trip a month ago..."And maybe for a second, I selfishly thought, "I just put all of my maternity clothes away, and invested in a shelf full of wine." Just being honest.
So, after 3 more tests, and a sleepless night, I woke up the next morning (after a few times through the night to feed Bland) and fixed Charlotte breakfast while Bland cried and my eyes blurred from exhaustion. I went to hear the heartbeat that day and guess due dates as I was apparently clueless.
Later that day, with the help of my husband, who is obviously meant to be a coach of some sort, I started to breathe. He called me after lunch with a friend and said, "Obviously this is all part of our life's plan, this is what is supposed to be, there is a reason you did not go through with that MRI, there is a purpose for us learning so much from Bland's health issues, our faith is pushing us to the limits, and we need to believe that everything is going to be just fine."
FAST FORWARD.
That was all 4 months ago. Now I can sit here and say it has all soaked in. I have heard the strong heart beat loudly, and I feel the kicks and stretches daily. I also know that "it" is another sweet boy. I knew he was a boy from day one. I felt it, I thought it, I just knew it. Everyone around said it was a girl, but I knew different. He will be exactly one year apart from big brother Bland, and 3 years and 3 months younger than big sister Charlotte. This will be a crazy journey for our family, and all I can say is I love my babies with everything I am, and this family that we are creating is every inch of my world.
My heart is full, overwhelmed and anxious. The idea of having the chance to be a parent to three blessings makes me ask all kinds of questions, "How did I get this lucky?", "How will I get everyone in the car?", "Why is God trusting me with all of these lives?", "What if there is sibling rivalry, jealousy, competition?", "Will I ever sleep again?", "Am I a good enough mom to do this?", "What if I fail?". I have played all kinds of scenarios and worries in my head until I drive myself crazy.
But the one thing I keep coming back to is my kids faces. The love I feel when I hold them. The fullness I have knowing I wake up to them in the morning. The gratitude each day brings me knowing that they are healthy and happy (most of the time). The hope and new found faith I have gained from the little one I carry now. Amazing what happens when you let love take the lead.
to be continued...
