Great Grandpa Howard has been very sick with Cancer for the past few months. He has been sick with it for years, but they just found it recently. He seemed to fall ill quick and before we knew it he was bed ridden. I have spent almost every Sunday of my life at his house with grandma Charly and grandpa Howard. I instilled the same schedule in you and it became the norm to visit with them once or twice a week. You love being at their house. Who doesn't!
I was worried that you would see grandpa in his state and be scared, or simply not understand what was going on. The first time you saw him asleep in his hospital bed, you came out of the room running and crying. As I rocked you and tried to calm you down, I realized it was not fear you were crying about, it was sadness. It was like you realized that he was sick. Every time after that, you walked back to his room with such a casual manner. As if you were there to see how he was doing. You would crawl onto his bed, hold his hand, ask him how he was, etc. You were not scared. You were brave. Braver than your momma.
A few times when I wasn't looking, I would find you going back to his room. Where is Paw Paw, momma?
As his condition worsened, we moved him to Hospice for his final days. As we visited you continued to crawl into a chair hold his hand, and fearlessly sit with him and stare. Once again, braver than your momma.
I don't cry in public, or in front of people and never in front of you. Especially in this situation because I had to be strong for you, for Grammy, for my grandma Charly. Instead, you were strong for me. Looking at you gave me strength in my faith. All the moments of swallowing my tears, as I watch my grandma sweetly rub my grandpas head and comfort him in his pain, I would look at you. Your smile was like a zone for me.
Grandpa Howard passed away peacefully on September 17, 2011. We got to say goodbye. He was surrounded by love, and now he surrounds us.
I love you my sweet thing. Thank you for being my little rock.
